Feeling motivated. Getting up early and going to bed early help with this. Feeling positive. Ready to learn, grow, experience, create, adapt, change,... I'm ready. Have a big chunk of work that I must finish before I rest. The sooner that its finished, the sooner I can rest. Time traveled in my dream last night, I was 6 years younger, Seemed so different, so foreign to me. The people, the places, All foreign. Time is interconnected to matter. Time equals matter, as time changes so does matter. Each moment literally is our last here. Forget death, we simply change form at every moment.

I have to search back through the halls of my past, the winding road back to experiences that give me a regenerating hope for the future. Searching for the true source of spirit, cutting off all the bullshit that I've been told by others. I've met those along the road who wished to become leaders and manipulators. those who wanted to be cult leaders and gurus. They have been one of the greatest diversions from my path to my own true connection to the spirit. I have to filter out the person and take the truth that remains. filter out the human bullshit and take the wisdom.
This is not a easy task. I'm surrounded by distractions and annoyances, I'm constantly being tested, my patience is constantly being tested. I must keep to some core essence. Fulfill my duty's and obligations and do my work. Don't expect anything from anyone, leave people to there own decisions. I'll do the best I can and have no regrets. There is peace but its not outside of me, its inside, peace is being complete aware of thyself, full illumination of the inside. Unaffected by outside circumstances. Let the evil ones spit there poison. I"ll remain myself,i"ll continue my path from here into the unknown, where no one may be. I'll be a flame that burns within itself

Gathering pieces form the depths. A warroirs journey. IF it was not for the waiiror spirit I couldnt survive the journey. In a hostile universe, Survival becomes a law. Its the result of following the natural path.

Multi tasking. Wasting nothing, always in motion.

I have begun art, again.After quite some time away from the meditation of art I am back in its flow. Like stepping into a place I have not been in a long time. I slowly re-adjust. I'm like a welcomed friend, returning from a long journey. All the sadness, all the pain, all the anger that I feel... returns to the surface. Unresolved, suppressed emotions, and events rise to the occasion. I'm closer to my soul than I've been in a long time. Art is a calling. Its a spiritual calling,  its calling me, and this time around I am unafraid of it's union. Too long have I wasted moments in retreat form its mission. It was in preparation I believe, preparation for the moment. All is one, past, present, future. I know this and I'm becoming dogmatic in reminding myself of it, to my suffering.

One step at a time, I walk the path I was destined to walk, amen.

Dreams, Fears

Dreams... the gateway to the inner workings. Dangerous they seem, but only because they contradict the life i'm living. Dreams that bring immense joy.... terrifying to the iron ruler-ship of my fearful mind.
Feeling like i'm close to the threshold of forever... frightening from this side.. the darkness fears the light. Enlightenment seems like a impossible challenge, The door is so close but the burden I've grown to bare is so heavy..... Easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle...... but through god all things are possible... There is hope.. I will push on

I like art where the expression and meaning come through in the subtle and abstract details. The pencil marks and the texture express indirectly the feelings that the artist was having while working. This method resembles "speaking without words" and is capable of delivering the most subtle meaning and inner feeling that could not be expressed otherwise.

The theory expressed in Toltec is that human beings are born with total freedom of perception and varying levels of energy allotted to each person. We are taught from a very young age to perceive the world in a particular way. I would say 95%- 99% of the world perceives, "dreams" the world in in this particular way. Over time, our perception becomes crystallized in this one particular way and we forget that we were born with total freedom of perception. We never question the dream we are having. We forget that there are many more ways to perceive, "assemble" the world. In order to return to our original in-born freedom we must un-do what we have been taught. 

I can see that in the world the could be different "phases" people are in, although I don't believe any two are the same. The majority of people have never questioned the perception they were taught from a young age. They live and die in this perception. Some of them are fairly happy, some in the middle, some sad. They follow all the dictates of that particular perception. But they are never free.

Some people, a minority, catch glimpses of another way to perceive and realize that the perception they have is not totally concrete. They know there is something else.

Like a parasite in their world, they can never see things in quite the same way. They may go insane, they may reason out a particular religious belief to explain away what they have experienced, etc, etc. They have seen a crack in there egg.

Some others Intentionally crack the egg because they believe there is something outside the shell, or they are continuing the cracking of a previously started crack.

These people are Castaneda and many others. The also could go completely insane, or form a much more mystical religious view, they could go all the way to the total removal of the shell or just various levels of removal. The mystery's one learns are up to each individual. Controlled folly is the way these liberated or partly liberated people interacts with the majority of people still inside the "shell" of their particular "dream".

A master of perception has control over the dream he dreams. he can go into the dream of the majority of mankind and also go into other dreams. A person who doesn't have control over this process may go completely insane because their perception is constantly adrift, They cannot communicate with the majority of mankind because they cannot adjust there perception to the common dream. The key is liberation mixed with control. This is the Shamans power.

So there you have it. Most are locked away in a dream they may never leave. They rest are at different levels of liberation.